My Doughty Life

Pain and Brokenness in Foster Care

One thing Foster Care keeps doing is opening my eyes to a world of brokenness and pain that I think MOST people live their lives totally unaware of. Whether consciously or not, I think we live in a bubble that is “aware” of the issues, but if it is not part of your reality, you don’t really KNOW about them. (I felt the same after Kiddo #1 died of SIDS, my naive world forever changed. Bad things do not just happen to “them”. They can happen to you. I don’t think it is possible to go back into that bubble. )

I keep praying God gives me His eyes and heart in all this (be careful what you pray for – He may just say yes). When He answers that prayer my eyes are opened to it all and my heart breaks for the circumstances people are in and the choices they make.

I feel so powerless to help make a difference in their lives…. Surely there is something I can do…

But then I look into the eyes of the little boy in our care and realize that what we do for him IS making a difference. It is hopefully freeing him from that life and those choices.

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
Psalm 34:18
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.


Great Example of a foster/Adoptive Mom’s prayer

Lets be real – sometimes knowing what to say in a prayer is HARD. God knows my heart, but still wants to hear me vocalize it! Since Mr C came into our home, I have prayed over him every night. However, sometimes feel that there is more to be said but my distracted mind cant go there. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I read this blog post by another foster mamma of a trauma kiddo and thought it was a GREAT example… and if it is helpful for me, maybe it will be helpful for you too!

A Trauma Mama’s Prayer


Foster Care Reality – Babies who don’t cry

Sometimes really “easy” babies who don’t cry are easy for heartbreaking reasons.


Our new placement is the first time we have fostered a kiddo that has not come to us straight from the hospital. This one has a heartbreaking story and we are learning so much about trauma kiddos. After 4 years of training on the topic, I feel we are able to identify causes for a lot of behaviors, but that does not mean we can solve them.

There have been studies done about kiddos from “old school” orphanages. They frequently bring up these studies in foster Care training when discussing neglect. “Infants who don’t cry when they wake because they learn there is no point in crying because no one will come.” I am not saying this was my kiddos situation, but the lack of crying seems to fit.

I have found myself in more prayer over this current placement in the last 3 days then the others. So glad to have a God who understands his needs and humbled that he believes S and I can be/provide what this kiddos needs.